My Father Would Not Show Us edexcel 4-The-Poetry-Anthology

My Father Would Not Show Us

In Paper 2, Section B, Part 1 of the Edexcel GCSE English Literature exam, you will be asked to look at one poem from the Relationships Anthology, which will be printed in the exam paper. You will be asked to compare this poem to another in the same relationships cluster, but you won’t have access to this poem as this is a closed-book exam. 

To succeed in the exam, you will need to revise four key elements of this poem: 

• The meaning of the poem

• The ideas and messages of the poet 

• How the poet conveys these ideas through their methods

• How these ideas compare and contrast with the ideas of other poets in the anthology

Below is a guide to Ingrid de Kok’s poem ‘My Father Would Not Show Us’, from the Relationships anthology. It includes:

• Overview: a breakdown of the poem, including its possible meanings and interpretations

• Writer’s methods: an exploration of the poet’s techniques and methods

• Context: an exploration of the context of the poem, relevant to its themes

• What to compare it to: ideas about which poems to compare it to in the exam

Overview

This section includes:

• The poem in a nutshell

• A “translation” of the poem, section-by-section

• A commentary of each of these sections, outlining Ingrid de Kok’s intention and message

‘My Father Would Not Show Us’ in a nutshell

‘My Father Would Not Show Us’, written by the poet Ingrid de Kok, explores complex and changing family relationships. The poet explores the complex, often troubling emotions resulting from loss. 

‘My Father Would Not Show Us’ breakdown 

Subtitle

“Which way do we face to talk to the dead?

Rainer Maria Rilke”

Translation

• The poem’s epigraph is a quotation by Austrian poet, Rainer Maria Rilke

• It asks a question about communicating with the dead

Ingrid de Kok’s intention

• Ingrid de Kok foregrounds the themes of loss and grief and suggests the poem will explore the confusing, emotional feelings associated with death 

• It also implies an underlying problem with communication 

Lines 1–2

My father’s face

five days dead

is organised for me to see.”

Translation

• The first stanza begins a dramatic monologue as a first-person speaker describes the moment they see their dead father

• They say it has been “organised”, which suggests the speaker is in a mortuary or funeral parlour, and the father has been prepared for viewing 

Ingrid de Kok’s intention

• Ingrid de Kok introduces the theme of death through a matter-of-fact speaker

• However, the unstructured lines and enjambment hint at an underlying emotional instability 

Lines 4–6

“It’s cold in here

and the borrowed coffin gleams unnaturally;

the pine one has not yet been delivered.”

Translation

• The speaker describes the cold room and a shiny “borrowed” coffin 

• They refer to a “pine” coffin (one they have bought for their father) that they are awaiting

Ingrid de Kok’s intention

• The speaker seems distracted by the funeral arrangements

• Pathetic fallacy conveys the speaker’s tension as they stand next to the coffin

Lines 7–9 

“Half-expected this inverted face

 but not the soft, for some reason

 unfrozen collar of his striped pyjamas.”

Translation

• These lines describe the father’s face: it has been “inverted” (turned)

• The speaker expects this but they are moved by the “soft” collar of the father’s “pyjamas”

Ingrid de Kok’s intention

• The intimate and personal nature of this description creates a poignant tone

• The poet shows the speaker is emotionally affected by using sensory imagery, an “unfrozen” collar that, the speaker says, is surprisingly “soft” 

Lines 10–14

“This is the last time I am allowed

 to remember my childhood as it might have been:

 a louder, braver place,

 crowded, a house with a tin roof

 being hailed upon, and voices rising,”

Translation

• The speaker says that this moment will be the last time they can be a child, or reflect on their childhood, implying they must now grow up and replace the father as an adult

• But the speaker makes an ambiguous comment about how it “might have been”:

  • Some interpretations suggest the speaker remembers their childhood fondly and imagines what it would be like if the father was still alive

  • However, it is likely to suggest the family was reserved or perhaps controlling, and the speaker reflects on how they may have been “braver” and “louder” 

• The speaker describes a vibrant yet simple family home:

  • It is “crowded” and lively with “voices rising” to a “tin roof”

Ingrid de Kok’s intention

• The poem may be read as a lamentation for a lost father who brought energy and joy

• A darker idea may also be implied in the lines “as it might have been”:

  • The speaker may be imagining a childhood that was different to the one they had

• Certainly, the poet considers a vibrant, open and simple family life as the ideal 

Lines 15–16

“my father’s wry smile, his half-turned face.

 My father would not show us how to die.”

Translation

• The father’s smile is described as “wry” (amused or mocking) and his face is “half-turned” away 

• The speaker adds that their father “would not” show the family “how to die”:

  • This is another ambiguous line

  • It may imply that the father was dignified in his illness or that the father repressed his emotions and taught the children to do the same

Ingrid de Kok’s intention

• The speaker’s controlled voice conveys little emotion

• Describing the father’s smile as “wry” may hint at a conflicted relationship 

• These lines may suggest the family did not easily express emotions and the speaker is unsure how to express their grief 

Lines 17–20

“He hid, he hid away.

Behind the curtains where his life had been,

the florist’s flowers curling into spring,

he lay inside, he lay.”

Translation

• The speaker repeats that the father “hid”, implying a reserved, mysterious nature 

• This is emphasised with the description of him lying behind a curtain and flowers in the mortuary or funeral parlour

• The speaker repeats that he “lay inside” (perhaps they mean the coffin)

Ingrid de Kok’s intention

• The speaker’s broken voice and repetition of words here conveys deep emotion

• Ingrid de Kok presents the raw emotions of the speaker as they reflect on their father’s life and death

Lines 21–24

“He could recall the rag-and-bone man

 passing his mother’s gate in the morning light.

 Now the tunnelling sound of the dogs next door;

 everything he hears is white.”

Translation

• These lines present ideas about change as they contrast the past with the present

• Before, the father would hear the “rag-and-bone man” (a rubbish collector)

• Now, though, he hears only the sound of dogs “tunnelling” (trying break out)

• The last line suggests the father is unable to hear anything but background noise 

Ingrid de Kok’s intention

• Here, the speaker becomes reflective as they think of the change in their father:

  • They imagine how he would have heard the rubbish-collectors in the “morning light” (perhaps referring to his youth) 

  • This is juxtaposed with a darker sound of busy dogs and the reference to “white” noise to imply his death

Lines 25–29

“My father could not show us how to die.

 He turned, he turned away.

 Under the counterpane, without one call

 or word or name,

 face to the wall, he lay.”

Translation

• The speaker repeats an earlier line to emphasise ideas about grief 

• These lines describe the father lying under the “counterpane” (blanket) facing the wall 

• The reference to silence here may suggest the father died without a single “call or a “word”, or it may emphasise the silence in the room

Ingrid de Kok’s intention

• Ingrid de Kok’s speaker expresses deep grief with short, repeated phrases 

• The speaker’s frustration is shown with enjambment: “without one call/or word or name”

• The poem ends suggesting a heartbreaking distance between the speaker and the father

Writer’s methods

Although this section is organised into three separate sections – form, structure and language – it is important to take an integrated approach, focusing on the main themes and ideas of the poem and then evaluating how Ingrid de Kok’s choices of language, structure and form contribute to these ideas. In essence, how and why the poet has made the choices they have, in relation to their intentions and message. 

Focusing on the poet’s main ideas, rather than individual poetic techniques, will gain you far more marks. In the below sections, all analysis is arranged by theme, and includes de Kok’s intentions behind her choices in terms of:

• Form

• Structure

• Language

Form

The form of ‘My Father Would Not Show Us’ conveys ideas about complex family relationships through a dramatic monologue that presents a child’s reflections on their father.

Structure

The poem’s irregular structure reflects an introspective speaker as they remember the past and express intense emotions. 

Language

Ingrid de Kok subverts a traditional elegy by portraying a moment between father and child that is usually intimate and emotional but is, instead, uneasy and formal. 

Context

The best way to explore context in the exam is by referring to the central themes of the poem and the message that you think the poet is trying to convey. In ‘My Father Would Not Show Us’, Ingrid de Kok explores:

• Complex love

• Family relationships

Complex love 

 Ingrid de Kok is a South African poet and a Fellow at the University of Cape Town; she was born in Stilfontein, South Africa in 1951 and grew up in Johannesburg

• De Kok lived in Canada between 1977 and 1984 but later returned to South Africa

• She grew up during Apartheid, a national political policy and culture that segregated people by race and advocated for